Youth, on Youth Group

Straight from the horse's mouth! We asked our youth to write about what makes their youth group 
special.
Here's the first, in a series of 3 articles I'll post here over the next few days.

OUR CULTURE, by Anna

We know that in all UU youth groups and district events there are certain things that are expected of the youth who attend: things like don’t use drugs, don’t have sex or exclusive relationships, no drinking, and so on. We also know that even when these things are aspired to, or even if youth sign on the line and agree to them, it doesn’t always mean that there won’t be drinking, or sex, or whatever, happening.

Our group is a little different: we aspire to and agree to not using substances or having exclusive relationships in our group, and we don’t. Honestly, we do not have ANY problems with drugs, alcohol, sex, exclusive relationships, or other substance abuse at our events, meetings, retreats, or service trips.

And it’s not because we’re a bunch of goody-goodies either—in fact, the town we come from has a very disturbing reputation for being a very heavy drinking/drugging town; and obviously, we’re not immune to that. The truth is that most of us don’t make it through our high school years without some experimenting—with some doing a lot more “experimenting’ than others. And it’s not like kids in our group don’t have intense relationships or go out with others in the group—in fact, some of our youth have been dating for several years -- but you would NEVER know it when you’re at a youth group meeting or event.

Our youth group is sacred space—we’ve worked hard to make it a place that’s free from the stuff that’s around us all the rest of the time, and we talk about the reasons we want our group and our activities to be free from those things that are so pervasive in the rest of our lives. We agree not to have exclusive relationships, use drugs, alcohol, etc—and we don’t.

It’s not always easy and it takes work, and let’s face it: drugs, alcohol, sex, and other substance abuse are a huge part of teen life whether people like it or not. But although this may be part of some of our youth’s lives, it is never part of their life at the youth group. It doesn’t even need to be said. It all goes back to respect. By bringing substances into the group, you not only run the risk of being caught and reprimanded by the leaders, but even worse, you run the risk of disappointing the group. The way we see it, by bringing substances into our group, its almost as if you’re saying, “you people aren’t enough to have fun—I need more!” or “I don’t feel comfortable with you or myself, so instead of working on that, I’m going to take the easy way out.”

And by the way: we have never been asked to sign anything stating that we will behave a certain way in our group or at our events or retreats or trips. The first time I was ever asked to sign anything like that for a youth group event was this past April, when I went on a UUSC work trip to the Mohawk Farm in New York. We were all required to sign this contract. It’s your typical contract, sign on the dotted line. Honestly, I didn’t even read it—I just signed it. I’m sure I know what it said: no sex, no drugs, blah blah blah. It’s not that it’s not important—it’s just that we all know already that adults expect of us. What’s more important really is what we expect of each other and why, and signing on a dotted line doesn’t give anyone any opportunity to talk about their own personal beliefs, or the reasons why the rules and guidelines for the trip are there, or anything that is really important, like respect for each other, our leaders, not wasting the opportunity that is being given to us, or violating the trust we have in each other. When you talk about those things, and hear how others feel about them, it becomes really obvious that that kind of stuff is so much more important and rare and valuable than a few beers would be.

When our youth group goes on a service trip, for example, we aren’t asked to sign on a dotted line. Instead, we are asked to write our own covenant, which includes what we feel should be the guidelines for the trip, why, and what really matters. In general, these covenants are a way for each member to say whatever is on his or her mind, to talk about what s/he wants from the trip, ad how s/he thinks that can happen. Everyone is required to write one because, although most of us want similar things, we are all really different, and we have different needs and ideas as well. We read them aloud, but anonymously, every night throughout the trip, and it really makes us feel proud to be doing something (or not doing something) that no one expects of us anywhere else in our life. It’s a big deal, and it’s something we’ve chosen to do on our own, and it’s something that a lot of people really respect us for. Sex, drugs, and alcohol is a whole lot easier to come by than the kind of pride and respect we get from this…And it’s interesting, because it’s not just adults that respect us for this; kids in our school really want to be part of something like this too, and that’s one reason why our group has grown so much I think.